


Close to Heaven as Earth Can Get

by Muccamukk



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Anal Sex, Anniversary, Beach Sex, Canon Era, Established Relationship, First Time Bottoming, Fluff and Angst, Intercrural Sex, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 09:29:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14734397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muccamukk/pseuds/Muccamukk
Summary: Dick and Nix a take furlough to Nice in the spring of '45. Dick tries to believe his luck. Nix tries to nerve up to asking Dick for something new in the bedroom.





	Close to Heaven as Earth Can Get

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to [Hell and Bad Intentions](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14614293), so you can read that first, but if you don't want to, all you need to know is that they've just gotten together, and Dick is a lot more experienced with gay sex than Nix is. There is some internalised homophobia, period-typical language and references to past emotional abuse (not between Dick and Nix) in this fic.
> 
> (Yes, I realise that Dick didn't actually take a leave around this period, BUT WHAT IF HE HAD?)

"Wow," Dick said, and craned his neck to look above them as their jeep curved along Nice's main boulevard.

Lew looked sideways at him, keeping one eye on the road, and raised his eyebrows. Then he got it: Dick Winters had never seen a palm tree before. For some reason, that surprised Lew, but then why should it? Dick had seen Pennsylvania, half a dozen shitty army bases in the South, and seemingly every fairy bar on two continents, but he hadn't gone to California with Lew. That little jaunt had been the longest time they'd been apart in three years. Three years to the day, it turned out. He wondered if Dick remembered.

They were coming up on a palatial casino-turned-Red-Cross-billet, and Dick half turned to reach for his ruck, but Lew didn't slow down. "Just wait," Lew said.

"Where to?" Dick asked, and Lew wanted to stick his tongue out or tell him to listen to what he'd just said. Maybe Dick caught some of that look, because the corner of his mouth twitched up in that little half smile of his and he made a show of leaning back in his seat and settling in. It occurred to Lew just then that he'd been spending at least some time nearly every day for three years trying to get a smile out of this man, and maybe that should have been some kind of early indication.

Dick turned to admire the view, and Lew couldn't blame him. He'd been here before the war, but the colours still took his breath away. The sky was the purest blue imaginable, and Lew couldn't even describe the colour of the sea. It all set off against Dick's bright hair, and the sunshine put actual colour in is cheeks for once.

This was perfect. They'd have a few minutes on a straight road, and Lew needed time to put the intelligence-gathering portion of this op in to play. They hadn't had the privacy on the train down, and everything had been too busy before that, with Second Battalion moving into Germany. He steered off the main drag and onto a winding coast road that headed out of town. "I still think you should have taken me up on General Taylor's house," Lew said. For a while there, he'd thought Dick was going to go for that one, out of spite if nothing else.

"Nix," Dick said, too busy staring at the ocean to even glare at him, "the man got back three days early."

Admittedly, hat had been an intelligence failure on Lew's part. "Okay, okay, this'll be better anyway." He'd been trying to think of a segue into his real question, but he hadn't been able to come up with one, so he just said, "Hey, Dick?"

This time Dick did turn around, looking at him with a slightly resigned expression. Lew grinned at him. "Yes, Lew?"

"What was your first time like?" he asked, turning his eyes on the road ahead of them. He needed to anyway, the way it was twisting. "Messing around in a hay field or something?"

"You know that Lancaster has a population of fifty thousand?" Lew just shrugged. He didn't and he didn't care. Dick was clearly stalling anyway, trying to work out what, if anything he should tell Lew, and if he told him, how to package it and in what light. Lew hoped that some day Dick was going to stop treating every interaction relating to his sex life like a live shell. "Why do you ask?" he said finally.

Lew shrugged again. "Just curious." He didn't have to look at Dick to imagine his sceptical expression, but the key to getting someone to believe a story was sticking to it, so he didn't say anything else.

He didn't know what Dick told himself Lew's motivation was, but after another moment and two winding curves, he said, "It wasn't in Lancaster. It wasn't until summer of '43, when we were at Bragg." Dick would have been twenty five. Lew wanted to ask _what, not even necking?_ , but he kept his mouth shut. If he stopped Dick, it'd be hard to get him started again. "I'd gone up to New York to organise that liquor order for Colonel Sink, and the way it all got fouled up, I ended up missing the last train. I was trying to find a Y, and I, uh, I thought I saw you. He looked like you from behind, and I don't know what I was thinking, he was a captain from another division, but... anyway, I guess I was pretty enthusiastic they way I said I was happy to see him. He made a pass at me, and I thought... well, I guess I thought, 'what the hell, I'm going off to war.' I didn't want to die not knowing..."

"I understand," Lew said. Most of the company had used the same excuse, those last couple of months, whether they were virgins or not. Lew still couldn't stand how unbearably lonely Dick must have been, all those years clutching his secret to his chest, terrified of anyone finding out. "What was he like, your captain?"

"He was kind," Dick said without hesitation. "When he worked out that I didn't have a clue what I was doing, he"—Dick paused, groping for words—"he took his time, showed me what to do, told me how to be safer, next time, how to find our kind of bars, what to watch out for." Before Lew had a chance to ask if it'd been a tryst or a briefing, Dick added somewhat dreamily, "We messed around all night, probably went every which way by the end of it. I didn't get much sleep, that's for sure."

Lew had asked, and technically he still wanted to know, but he felt his hands tightening on the wheel at the thought of Dick being that fucking unguarded around someone, or maybe it was at the idea of someone who could just give Dick what he needed, without hesitation or fear. Lew had been more than a little jealous that Dick had been with all those men—and yes, he realised the hypocrisy in that—but now suddenly he was glad. He was glad that Dick's first time had been with someone decent. He didn't look at Dick, but he knew was reading Lew like a book. "Were you nervous?"

He heard Dick take a breath to answer, then let it out slowly as he thought it over. Dick always spent too much damn time in his own head. "Well, a little," Dick admitted, "but once I decided that was what I was going to do, it got easier somehow. Like jumping out the door."

Lew had nearly thrown up the first time he'd jumped out of a C-47 into nothing but air, though it had been fun after the chute opened. He hoped that wasn't about to become a metaphor for his love life.

"Does it bother you?" Dick asked, because Lew had been an idiot and given him time to think, and of course he had come to the worst conclusion, which in that it happened to be about Lew also happened to be true. "I'd have waited, if I'd thought I had a shot."

"You deserved to have someone," Lew said, which dodged the question and was true as well. He deserved to have someone better than Lew, too, but apparently that wasn't what Dick wanted. He was saved from having his own interrogation turned back on him but spotting their turn. Lew slowed and manoeuvred the jeep down a gravel side road, around three switchbacks and into a wide brick drive. "We're here!"

"Wow," Dick said again.

Lew took the jeep out of gear and turned to take in the sights via Dick's reaction. He was staring, mouth actually open, and eyes so wide they looked like they were going to bug out. Then he looked at Lew to see if he was serious, and then back at the house in front of them.

Of course, the first thing he said when he finally turned back to Lew was, "Nix, how much did this cost?"

Lew shrugged, and grinned, and said only, "Not as much as you'd think." Though more than Lew could really afford using just his army pay, which he had for this. It was worth twice the price for the way Dick's shock was slowly turning into a wide, delighted grin. "There's the house, obviously, and a pool, and a path down the a private beach," Lew said. "We've got it for four days." After that they'd be back on a train to Germany, where the 101st was in a holding position on the Rhine. And Lew would be watching Dick get increasingly wound up about every idiotic detail he had to deal with every minute of every day.

Dick leaned across the jeep and kissed him, outside in broad daylight. That was new. Lew was pretty sure he liked it, but he gave it a few minutes for confirmation. Dick finally pulled away, just so that he could look again at the sprawling red-tiled house with its tall glass windows and endless views of the Mediterranean. "I'm going swimming!" Then he was off and running, around the house, peeling out of his uniform as he went.

Lew followed, purely for the view. He had not previously thought of men in a sexual light, at least he thought he hadn't. Lew noticed when someone was attractive, sure, man or woman. Who didn't see a man like Tyrone Power and notice that he was a fine looking man? The odd dream about holding a buddy close didn't really mean anything either, or he hadn't thought it had. When he remembered them at all, he'd thought they were just about wanting something to hold onto. That could still be true. Lew was pretty sure that he loved Dick, because what else was love besides wanting to spend every waking moment with someone, and constantly thinking ways to make them smile, and knowing that you'd take a bullet for them?

They'd gotten to a narrow strip of stony beach, and Lew sat on the steps and watched Dick crouch to take off his boots, looking at the curve of his spine as he bent over and the way his strong shoulders tapered to lean hips when he stood again. Lew could see his ribs, and wished Dick would take more time to look after himself. Dick half turned to Lew, thumbs hooked in the waist of his pants. "The whole beach is ours?" he asked.

"All thirty feet of it." Lew spread his hands to include the stretch of grey stone and the rough cliffs on either side, as well as the inlet and the sea and the sky for good measure.

Dick pushed his pants and shorts off together, then bent to fold them next to his boots. Lew stared at his ass. That was lean and muscled too, and Lew knew what it felt like to run his hands over it, and to squeeze it and as he rubbed their cocks together. It had freckles and soft red hairs where it met the tops of the thighs, and if Dick had been closer, Lew would have reached over to give it a smack, just to see what Dick would do. Now Dick grinned over his shoulder at Lew, ran down the beach and dove into the clear water like a seal. He came up spluttering a few seconds later, whooping at the cold but still laughing. He dove again and swam out towards the open sea. Lew watched, then fished out his flask and took a long pull. It took a few seconds for the alcohol to hit, but then it smoothed out the edges, and let Lew think.

He couldn't work it out, and he'd been trying for months. What he'd come up with so far was that he loved Dick, and that he liked looking at him, and that he liked the way it felt to touch him, and especially to be touched by him. He liked the sex, but what they'd been doing so far was high school messing around plus sucking each other off, and Lew knew that there were other things Dick wanted to do, even if he wouldn't admit it. Hell, he'd seen Dick getting fucked in the ass, and he'd looked like he'd been having a damn good time, too. Dick had said it was wonderful, like flying. Every time Lew considered it, he couldn't help flinching from the idea.

He knew that if Dick Winters could take it up the ass and still be the best man Lew had ever known, that it didn't inherently diminish a man, but he'd never been as strong as Dick, or as good. The thought kept niggling at him that with Lew it might mean that, it might be the last depravity that pushed him past saving. The hundred foul words he'd heard for men who would submit like that dropped like the payload out of a B-17, one after another, and each one scored a direct hit.

Lew took another swig then got up and walked back up the house. He found the linen cupboard and snagged a couple of towels the size of bed sheets and carried them back down to the beach. Dick was still splashing in the water, but he had to get cold and come in soon. Lew spread one of the towels on the part of the beach that looked like it had the smallest gravel, and kept the other folded. He took off his jacket and tie, and after a moment pulled off his boots as well. The pebbles were warm under his bare feet. It was only late morning, and in a few hours the sun might drive even Lew into the water, of the pool at least.

Dick had turned to swim out to the point again, crawling out, giving Lew another look at his ass. Lew sat on the beach and tried to work out how many passes Dick had had since that trip to New York. He could remember something in the line of ten or maybe a dozen, now that he thought about it. Dick had never made a deal out of getting them. He'd had the furlough to Scotland, a year ago, as well. Did that mean that he'd slept with a dozen men, or with two or three times that? Lew didn't know. From the occasional references Lew had picked up, Dick seemed to have been in lust with and genuinely fond of all of his affairs, even if he hadn't loved them. Lew just didn't look at other men that way. Admiring someone and wanting to kiss them weren't the same, and Lew had never wanted to kiss a man who didn't also happen to be Dick Winters.

It didn't even matter now, because he'd promised Dick that he was all in and would never have cause to kiss anyone, man or woman, but the idea itched away in the back of his mind. Was he actually what Dick seemed to prefer him to call a queer, or a quasi half queer, or was this somehow all just loyalty gone over the deep end? Clearly he enjoyed Dick's mouth or hands on his cock—he wasn't dead—but sometimes he wondered if he wasn't doing all this because it made Dick so happy, and what Lew wanted more than anything on Earth was to make Dick happy.

Lew didn't have to wonder if he was a coward. He knew the answer to that one, had always known it, but he couldn't work out what scared him more, that he was a fairy, or that he wasn't. He needed to stop saying "fairy" in front of Dick; seemed like it pissed him off.

"Hey," Dick said. Somewhere in there, he'd gotten out of the water. He was leaning down to pick up the folded towel, skin pink and gleaming from the cold water, hair dripping on Lew's shirt. He was smiling at Lew like Lew had arranged the weather and the sea itself, instead of just getting a buddy to rent a house.

"How was the water?" Lew asked, smiling back, because it was an automatic response by now, and because it was just so goddamn good to see Dick happy.

"Cold," Dick answered. He scrubbed the towel through his hair and then rubbed it hard up and down his arms to get his blood moving again. Lew reached for it and dried Dick's stomach and hips and ass and each of his long legs. Dick almost started purring at his touch, and it was weird how pleased that could make Lew, even this unspoken gratitude at a small act of care. Then again, what did Lew know about looking after anyone?

Dick flopped bonelessly onto his stomach, taking up most of the towel. He folded his arms under his head so that he could look at Lew, and sighed in deep contentment. "I've never swum in the ocean before," he said. "Always wanted to."

"Want me to warm you up?" Lew asked, putting his hand on Dick's back just where the curve of his ass started.

"Yeah, if you want," Dick said. "That'd be great." He said it like it was an unexpected offer, and he really wouldn't want to put Lew to any trouble on his account, which seemed to be how he treated every one of Lew's advances, while rarely making his own. He seemed to be afraid that if he expressed preference or a desire that Lew would either feel compelled to obey or would be frightened off like skittish colt, and either way it would Dick's fault for admitting that he wanted something.

"As it turns out, I'm free all morning," Lew said. He squeezed Dick's ass, glowing at little at how even that made him moan softly and spread his legs. And oh, yeah, Dick Winters lying spread in the sun like goddamn buffet did in fact turn Lew on. It always did now. He stroked Dick's hair with one hand, and slipped the other between his legs, rubbing the insides of his thighs with his knuckles. Dick spread his legs more and tried to wiggle down so that Lew's hand brushed his balls. Lew pinned the back of Dick's neck to hold him in place and ran his fingernails all the way down to the backs of Dick's knees. He wasn't putting any pressure into it really, but it still left pink lines up and down the inside of Dick's legs. Dick was looking up at him, eyes hooded, mouth open, already gone. He moaned low in his throat when Lew curled his fingers around his balls, rubbing his thumb along the backs of them. "You can't make as much noise as you want," Lew told him. "There's no one for miles."

"I've never," Dick started to say, then choked back the next sound, as Lew pressed his thumb on the soft place right behind his balls. He was already getting hard, and so was Lew, just from touching him and watching him respond like Lew was his whole world.

Lew squeezed Dick's ass again, and then stood and quickly shed his clothes in a heap. He nudged Dick until he rolled onto his left side and then spooned up behind him, his cock slotting in under the curve of Dick's ass. Dick's skin was still cool from the sea water, and a little clammy, but instead of recoiling, Lew rubbed against him, willing his body heat to move between them. The sun shone almost too warm on his hair, and he felt a little dazed.

Dick rested his head on Lew's arm, kissed the inside of his elbow and then took his hand between both of his and held on. He held on like trusted that whatever happened, holding onto Lew would get him through it, like he trusted Lew more than he trusted himself, and if Lew let him go, he'd spin away into nothing. Then he shimmied so that his ass wiggled back and forth across Lew's cock, and asked, "And you're sure there's no one around?"

"Air Corps got everything east of us last summer; west is all cliffs as far as the city. I'm sure." Lew kissed Dick's shoulder, tasting salt. "We have the whole place all to ourselves." He rubbed up and down Dick's side as far as he could reach, enjoying how Dick shivered under his hand. He was so damn generous and responsive in bed. Lew had never imagined him to be this open, not even at OCS before Sobel had browbeat all the hope out of him. In bed, or on a towel on a beach in the Riviera, it turned out.

Lew's cock was getting pretty interested in the way Dick kept moving his ass, so Lew reached behind him for a tin of Vaseline he'd had in his shirt pocket. He pretty much saw Dick's ears perk up at the sound of the lid popping off, and he knew that what Dick wanted him to do was rub it into his asshole and fuck him, however the hell that worked, but Lew just couldn't, not even laying in the sun with Dick naked, wiggling and eager in his arms. He slicked up three fingers and reached around to slide them between Dick's legs. The edge of his hand rubbed against Dick's cock, making him moan and clutch Lew's hand. He lifted his leg so that Lew's cock could slot into place between his thighs, and then squeezed down.

Lew had to take a few deep breathes to slow himself down, because the warm pressure of Dick's thighs against his cock and the way Dick was still languidly rubbing his ass against Lew's stomach was going to make it a trick to last as long as he needed to. He kissed the back of Dick's neck, holding his lips there for a long moment, and then reached for his cock. His fingers were still slick with the Vaseline, which he now knew felt damn nice, so he just went straight for a slow, easy jerk off, like on a Sunday morning. He wrapped his hand around Dick's shaft and pulled slowly away at just the speed he knew drove Dick nuts. Dick moaned again; he was still holding back. Lew could feel it in the way his shoulders hunched in just a little, and how he was holding his breath every so often.

So far, Dick had resisted all attempts to talk him into stroking himself off while Lew watched, but Lew had found his method worked pretty well: the smooth slide of his hand, and the sudden pressure of the ball of this thumb under the head, or across the slit, or pushing the hood back. Every movement pulled a grunt or a moan from Dick, and made his ass clench and his thighs flex around Lew's cock. Lew could feel the heat building in his belly and his own breath picking up, and he let his hips rock into Dick, just a little, just to let him know what he was going to do. His cock slide in just right between Dick's muscled thighs, and it felt so good. Best of all, it made Dick groan and grind back against him.

It was almost too much, and Lew tightened his hand around the base of Dick's cock, squeezing just a little too hard. Dick gasped sharply, like he couldn't believe that Lew had hurt him, and Lew froze. He hadn't meant to do anything bad. He'd just wanted to slow things down a bit, and he didn't mind on himself when he wanted to draw things out. He opened his mouth to apologise.

Then Dick said, speaking very clearly, "Do that again."

"Okay," Lew said, surprised. He squeezed again, and pulled slowly up the length of Dick's cock, in a way that he was sure would hurt, only it didn't seem to. Dick let his breath out in a ragged gasp and then caught himself again, and almost choked when Lew twisted his hand sharply and pulled up. It wasn't as rough as it seemed with the Vaseline making it go slick, but it was harder than he'd ever touched himself. He did it again, pulling faster now, and more sure, dragging just the edge of his nail ahead of his hand.

Dick cried out, maybe Lew's name, but it was too hoarse and desperate for Lew to tell. Lew's hips jerked forward, thrusting between Dick's legs, his own cock needing more contact and more pressure and more heat than the Vaseline was letting him have. He tried to get his timing together, but the strength of Dick's reaction was throwing him off. Lew squeezed his eyes shut, thought of snow and ice and cold and Sobel, and somehow got his pounding heart under control. He thrust forward more slowly now, and jerked Dick off at the same rate, but harder like he had before, following Dick's body as he tried to press into his hand. Dick made a long "Ah" sound, half gasp, half scream every time Lew thrust between his legs, and every time Lew rolled his thumb over his head, he flexed his ass and his thighs, and whimpered. Lew could do anything to him, and Dick would love it, would respond like he'd been given the world; he couldn't believe how goddamn needy Dick could be, and it thrilled him and made him want to give Dick more.

It was getting to be too much, and Lew's hips started to falter as his breath came in pants. He leaned forward and set his teeth on the juncture of Dick's neck and shoulder, not biting, just holding him, while Dick still clung to Lew's hand like he was drowning. The need to feel more and now overwhelmed Lew and he thrust and thrust and thrust until he couldn't breathe and he shot his load between Dick's strong thighs. He must have bit down, because his mouth tasted like salt and Dick was screaming and bucking hard against him, pushing into Lew's hand.

The aftershocks washed through both of their bodies, for a while, and the soft sound of waves on gravel and the smell of salt sea air faded. Lew lost focus on everything except being warm and sated and having his lover in his arms. It started to come back a little as his heart slowed. He'd been planning an op, he remembered.

Lew drew back enough to examine Dick's neck, where his teeth had left a white ring, but not broken the skin. He kissed the place, and the kissed behind Dick's ear, and the back of his neck at the edge of his hair. He was still holding Dick's cock limp in his hand, and Dick was still clutching Lew's other hand with both of his, but neither seemed to want to let go, or to move at all.

Lew finally remembered what he needed to ask, drew a breath, and said, "If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?"

And sleepy and spent and utterly happy as Dick was, Lew finally got a straight answer to that. "It'd feel so good to be inside you," Dick murmured. He pulled Lew's hand to his mouth and kissed the heel, and then the palm.

Lew did not freeze. Not like he had the first time they'd sucked each other at the same time, and everything had been pure heaven until Dick—who'd been kneading his ass and moaning and sucking harder every time Lew sucked—touched his asshole. Lew had reacted on pure, primal instinct, whole body tensing before he could stop himself. Of course Dick had yanked his hands away, and then hadn't been able to look Lew in the eye no matter what he said. This time, Lew said without hesitation, as naturally as he could, "Yeah, let's do that."

Dick gasped and stiffened in Lew's arms, but Lew kept holding him like he hadn't noticed. "Really?" Dick said. "You don't have to, Nix, just because I want..."

"I want to try it," Lew said firmly. He wiped his hand on the towel and stroked Dick's thighs, smoothing the soft red hairs. His skin was dry now, and a little flaky from the salt.

"If you don't like it, I'll stop," Dick said, squeezing Lew's hand like he was sealing a promise.

"Sure," Lew agreed, and promised himself he wouldn't make a goddamn sound until it was done. If he didn't like it, they'd figure it out after. He was going to give Dick this one time, if he couldn't give him anything else.

Dick rolled over and took Lew's face between his hands and kissed him. His eyes were gleaming with admiration, like Lew was the most incredible and special person in the whole world, and Dick was somehow lucky to be allowed the privilege of being near him. If Lew ever managed to be a hundredth of the man he saw reflected in Dick Winters' eyes, he would finally have accomplished something with his life.

"I'm starving," Lew said after a few minutes. "There's food here, nothing fancy, but..."

"Yeah, all right," Dick said absently, clearly not wanting to move, still staring moonily at Lew.

Lew felt like a total shit for promising something that he wasn't completely sure he was going to be able to deliver. What was he going to do if he just couldn't play pansy and let Dick fuck him? Dick would never trust Lew's offers again, and he'd be so disappointed. It would ruin the whole furlough, if not their affair. Except it wasn't an affair; Lew had essentially just remarried. He rolled away from Dick and pushed himself to his feet, then picked up their uniforms and started up hill.

The icebox was empty, but there was bread, sausages and cheese in a breadbox. Lew started slicing it for sandwiches. "There'll be a daily food delivery," he said, "but I said no maids or cooks or anything."

Dick is staring around the blue and white tile dining room with its patio view of the sea like he'd never thought something like this could be real. "How on Earth did you find this place?"

"Buddy in signals was down here last month," Lew said, leaving out most of the details. "They've been rotating half the army through before things heat up on the front, and the French have worked out that not everyone wants to be in a Red Cross billet. There's quite the industry in rentals to officers now. No one else has any money."

"You should let me—" Dick started, but Lew was already shaking his head.

"You send your pay home. It's not like I need to." Or that Lew had ever had anything worthier to spend it on than making Dick smile. He'd already wolfed down his sandwich, standing leaning against the table, still naked, and now he said. "I'm going to see if the shower works. Why don't you haul our gear up to the bedroom."

He left before Dick could ask him anything. The showers did work, and Lew spent a long time washing the sweat and grime of travel and sex off his body, starting with his hair and working down, and then starting over again. When he washed between his legs, he touched his asshole and pressed at it lightly. It felt weird, and he wanted to stop, but he made himself do it again. He shoved away his father's voice and its comments about what kind of man even thinking about this made him. This time Lew took a deep breath and pushed. His fingertip slid in, and he could feel the muscles clenching around it, and this just wasn't going to work. He'd seen Dick fully hard—Lew'd had his cock in his mouth for Christ's sake—it wasn't going to fit up his ass. If it did fit, it was going to hurt, and Lew didn't know if he was strong enough to keep quiet. Dick would be heartbroken if he hurt Lew when he was trying to make him feel good. Lew pulled his hand away and finished rinsing himself then towelled off. This was going to be a disaster, but he was locked into it now.

The worst part was that he'd been mostly sober when he'd planned all this. He found his flask and emptied it, but there hadn't been a whole lot left. He thought about the bottle in his ruck, but decided the save it for later. He didn't want Dick to think anything along the lines of Lew needing Dutch courage, even if he did. If this all went badly, Lew would need the bottle for after.

He padded up the stairs to the second level with its sprawling master bedroom. Open French doors led onto a balcony and long gauzy curtains billowed in a light breeze. The actual bed was huge and piled high with soft white linens and pillows, and Lew knew that he'd sink deep into it and never want to leave. He saw their rucks in a corner, but no Dick. A moment later, he heard the sound of bare feet on the steps and Dick came up with an armful of towels and a dark glass bottle from the kitchen.

Dick saw Lew looking at it and said, "Olive oil. For, you know. It's nicer than the Vaseline."

"Right," Lew said. Never mind a fruit, he was about to become a salad. He smiled back, and asked, "Where do you want me?"

He didn't do a good enough job on the smile apparently, because Dick's expression fell. "We really don't have to, Lew," he said. "It's not a requirement or a condition."

"You just like it?" Lew asked.

"Yeah," Dick said, and he looked down, embarrassed, and now they were back to Dick was ashamed of what he was, which had been a shitty time the first ten turns around that merry-go-round.

"Well, maybe I'll like it too," Lew said. "Come on, Dick, please." He let a little whine into that last, and Dick narrowed his eyes, even though they both knew that he couldn't say no to Lew when he begged. Lew was begging to bend over and let himself be fucked. Christ.

"All right," Dick said. He put the olive oil on the side table and flipped the blankets off the bed onto the floor and tossed most of the pillows after them. Then he spread the towels on the bare sheet, put a pillow in the middle of them, then put another towel on the pillow. Lew frowned at the arrangement. If he put his head on the pillow, his ass would hang off the bed, which he guessed was the goal. He wasn't sure how comfortable he was going to be. "It'll be easier on your stomach," Dick said. "Just lie with the pillow"—he gestured at his hips, and Lew got the picture—"and I'll look after everything."

Lew lay across the towels, his hips raised by the pillow so that his ass was in the air like a damn offering. He pulled another pillow over to wrap his arms around and bury his face in if he needed to. He was glad that he would be able to hide his face. Dick liked to watch him when they touched, to study his reactions like he couldn't quite believe they were real. It could be touching, but Lew didn't think he'd be able to stand up to that kind of scrutiny this time.

Dick went for the olive oil, and apparently they were just going damn the torpedoes, and full speed ahead, and not bothering with foreplay. At least it would be over quickly. Lew heard the stopper pull out of the bottle and closed his eyes. He tried to relax, but he could feel the tension singing through his body and knew that Dick would be able to see the way he tensed, damn it. Lew made himself take a long breath in through his nose and let it out slowly, then do it again. This was going to be fine. Dick wasn't going to hurt him. Maybe he would end up liking it, though what that would mean he didn't know.

The bed shifted, and Lew stiffened, unable to stop himself. His heart was pounding, and he had never in his life felt less sexy than he did now.

"Easy," Dick said, voice low and steady. "I'll take care of you, Lew." He touched the centre of Lew's back right between the shoulder blades and warm oil dripped from his hands onto Lew's skin. Dick shushed Lew before he could ask. He knelt beside on the bed and spread the oil across Lew's back with broad, sweeping slides of his hands. Dick covered his back, got more oil and rubbed up Lew's neck and down the tops of his arms, and over the curve of his ass, and down his thighs and calves all the way to the soles of his feet. His hands were so warm and gentle that Lew found himself relaxing just at his touch.

When he was done, Dick straddled the tops of Lew's thighs and bent down to rub his shoulders. His thumbs moved in steady circular patterns, pressing deep into the muscles while his fingers squeezed tight. It edged on painful, but Lew could feel him digging the knots out, and he closed his eyes and let it happen. Dick's fingertips rolled up his neck and pressed right at the base of his skull, holding there for a long time, until Lew's head felt like it was floating, and then he dug the heel of his hands into the big muscles on either side of his spine and pushed his hands outward down Lew's ribs. He moved slowly and carefully, feeling for tension and then easing it out of each muscle. When he got to Lew's hips, he ran his joined hands back up Lew's spine until it popped in three places. Lew felt like he was being taken apart, and he didn't care. Dick would put him back together, better than new.

Dick's fingers dug into his shoulder muscles again, smoothing the knots from his neck down through the tops of his arms, and then down the sides of his spine again. Lew hadn't thought he had a bone left connected to another, but Dick found some lingering strands of tension and eased them out. When he got back to Lew's hips, Dick scooted down Lew's legs. Lew was too deep in his contentment out to even flinch when Dick touched his ass, though he vaguely considered that he might. Dick's hands kept following the muscles down Lew's thighs, and didn't slide between them. His thumbs pushed hard at the cramps behind his knees made by sitting all day. Lew spread his legs a little, then wider still when Dick found knots in muscles he hadn't even known he had. He wasn't even turned on, especially, just relaxed and basking in the feel of being looked after. Dick was being so careful, and so kind, and Lew loved the feel of his strong, rough hands on his skin.

Dick massaged down to Lew's feet, down to his toes, then all the way back up to his hips. Lew didn't even have the strength to moan with how good it felt, he just lay still and let Dick do what he liked. Dick's thumbs slid between his ass cheeks, still kneading at muscles, and Lew didn't even twitch. Dick's fingertips touched his asshole, Lew raised his head a little, but all the fight was gone out of him. He barely felt Dick pushing into him anyway, with all the oil and how utterly boneless he was.

Dick was kneeling between his legs now, and he had two fingers inside Lew, and it felt kind of strange, but it didn't hurt at all, like he'd thought it would. "Are you all right?" Dick asked. "Is this okay?"

Lew nodded groggily. "It's fine," he murmured, which was true, oddly enough. His cock wasn't showing any interest, but a warm pool of something between affection and pleasure was building inside Lew.

"Want to feel something good?" Dick asked, but he didn't wait for an answer. He curled his fingers forward, and touched something inside Lew that made his breath catch and stars spark behind his eyes. "That's right, right there," Dick said. "You like that?" He did it again, and again Lew felt the shot of pleasure that he couldn't put into words.

"Yeah," Lew said, gasping slightly. He rolled his hips up, trying to find the feeling, but Dick had pulled his hand out to add more oil and another finger. Lew felt his asshole stretching a little around that, but it still didn't hurt, and the strange pleasure from when Dick touched him shimmered through his body, making him squirm to try and find it again. 

Dick laughed, a small happy sound, like he couldn't quite believe how happy he was. "Easy there," he said, and put his other hand spread wide over Lew's spine to hold him steady. He rolled two finger tips over the place, and Lew whimpered and pushed up against Dick's hand. He was getting hard now, and Dick wasn't even properly fucking him yet. Dick carefully curled in his fingers into a ball and and spread them out. The stretch didn't feel any worse than anything in callisthenics. It hardly even felt strange now, with Dick's hand steady on his back, and his even breathing behind Lew. He could feel the breeze cool on his feet, the soft cotton sheets under him, and Dick's hands, and it felt good. "Is this all right?" Dick asked again.

"Yeah," Lew told him.

He almost felt a loss when Dick pulled his fingers out; his ass flexed around the space left behind. He heard the oil bottle clinking again, and the bed shifting behind him, then Dick's hand was on Lew's hip, and something big pressed against his asshole. Dick was breathing in a sharp, controlled way, and his fingers flexed against Lew's hip bone as he drove forward just enough to get the head inside. Lew whimpered, more at the strangeness and pressure than at any pain, and Dick froze.

"It's all right," Lew said hurriedly. "I'm all right."

Dick grunted, but he didn't pull out. "All right," he said after a moment, and pushed forward a little more. "Breathe with me, Nix."

Lew realised that he'd been holding his breath, and made himself inhale in time with Dick and then exhale and then do it again until he remembered how his lungs worked. He was starting to tense up again, and he knew he couldn't, but Dick was a big man, and Lew was afraid. It felt too wide and too deep and too much. Lew focused on one breath then the next, then the next until Dick's hips rested against his ass. He felt strange and full and pushed a little too far. Lew's hands tightened on the pillow and he closed his eyes again, trying to find some focus that wasn't the fact that he'd gone and done it, and now he really was every one of those names his father had screamed at him.

"Come back, Lew," Dick said. He swept his hand back up Lew's back, his touch reminding Lew of how he'd melted under Dick's hands not so long ago. "I've got you. We're going to take this slow."

"Yeah," Lew said again, but he come up with anything else beyond that, so he said it again. "Yeah."

Dick took that as permission to pull back just as slowly as he'd entered Lew, and this seemed to go more easily. The oil was working, maybe. He could start rocking back and forth against Lew and it didn't hurt at all. Maybe it even felt good, being able to let go and let Dick do what he wanted. Behind him, Dick was groaning with each thrust, like it was the best thing he'd ever felt, and his hands still held Lew steady. He pulled Lew's hips up bit and settled in closer. From there he could lean down enough to kiss Lew's shoulder and say, "You're doing good, Nix. You're so good."

That was such a lie on every level that Lew almost laughed, except that Dick sounded like he meant every word with his whole soul, and Lew couldn't mock that. He pushed back against Dick's cock as it pushed into him again, and Dick's forehead bumped his spine. Dick reached between them and started to jerk Lew off in time with his thrusts, and damn if that didn't feel better than it should. Lew tried to move with Dick, and then tried to speed him up, but couldn't find much leverage.

Lew could feel Dick's breath hot against his back, coming ragged now, but his hips still moved steadily. He was putting his whole focus into fucking Lew, and keeping his movements as even and predictable as he could; he was keeping his steady hand on Lew's hip, and was stoking his cock lightly. He was folding his whole world into this moment, and into making it good for Lew, if he could. Lew melted under him, the pleasure of the hand on his cock spread hot through his body.

Dick took his acquiescence as a sign to pull Lew's hips up a little again and pick up his pace. The head of his cock slid past whatever felt so damn good inside Lew, making Lew's breath catch again. "Damn," he breathed into the pillow, then, "Damn, damn, damn," as Dick thrust past the spot again and again. He'd been so prepared for this to hurt, he didn't know what to do now that it felt good, not just good, wonderful. Lew wanted to find some way to move to lean into the feelings of the hand stroking his cock and the cock driving into him, but he couldn't seem to move at all. It was all just too much.

"You feel fantastic," Dick said, his breath came in pants between words, but apparently he needed to tell Lew. His hips still drove steadily and still kept sending shimmering pleasure though Lew's body. "I thought about this so many times, for years. I, uh, I pretended the others were you, sometimes. This is so much better. You're so good."

"Jesus Christ," Lew whispered. He wasn't doing anything, just lying still and letting Dick fuck his brains out, and somehow Dick still thought he was amazing, better than anything. He'd have felt like crying if his whole body wasn't thrumming with how good it felt. He buried his face in the pillow and let himself shake. Dick's hand squeezed and stroked and caressed his cock until Lew tumbled over the edge. He stopped breathing as wave after wave of ecstasy crashed over him. He wasn't sure where he was any more, just that Dick was still fucking him.

Dick's fingers dug into Lew's hips as he thrust into him with short, sharp snaps of his hips. He was saying Lew's name over and over again like a prayer. Lew could feel something inside him, a different slide as Dick shuddered and thrust, and he realised that Dick had shot his load inside him. Lew knew he should feel ashamed, but he didn't. Dick was breathing hard and resting his sweaty forehead on Lew's sweaty back, and what Lew felt was an urge to kiss him. He twisted his head around, and Dick kissed the side of his mouth. He was watching Lew's face carefully, trying to tell what Lew was feeling, and Lew smiled up at him.

"This all right?" Dick asked.

"Yeah," Lew told him. "More than all right."

Dick nodded seriously. "Good, that's good." He sounded relieved, like it had been a question how Lew felt, even though Dick's hand was on Lew's spent cock. Dick kissed Lew's cheek and the back of his neck, and pulled out. That felt strange too, but Lew was getting used to all this faster than he would have thought possible. "Just... stay there." Dick patted his ass lightly.

"Oh, I am never moving again," Lew told him. His ass was still propped up by the pillow, and his legs were spread obscenely, but he did not care.

Dick padded off towards the en suite, and Lew lay where he was, enjoying the breeze across his back and the deep satisfying feeling of having come twice in as many hours. More than that was the satisfaction of having been able to give Dick what he wanted, of knowing that he was capable of making Dick that happy. He had worried that he might feel like less of a man, but what the fuck did it matter, anyway? Dick loved Lew all the move for being able to do this, and Lew was pretty sure that being loved by a man like Dick Winters was the best thing about him. The rest was just noise.

"Here we are," Dick said a minute later. He had a warm wash cloth and knelt next to Lew so that he could wipe the sweat and oil off his body. Lew basked in the attention. He really wasn't ever going to move.

"That feels good," he said sleepily.

Dick was silent for a moment, then he said, "I'm so damn glad, Nix. I knew I was being selfish to want this as much as I did, that you found it difficult to think about, but..."

"But you still wanted it." Dick was finished washing between Lew's legs, so Lew rolled over so he could look him in the eye. "It's all right to have needs," he said.

Dick made a face like he didn't think that was true, but he didn't argue. He tossed the cloth and some of the towels off the bed, and rearranged the pillows so that they could lie together. When he had built the nest to his satisfaction, he pulled the blankets back over both of them and lay with his head on Lew's chest, hips half covering Lew's. Lew wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in tight. "You feel all right?" Dick asked again. He couldn't seem to stop worrying about that.

"Dick, I have never been this comfortable in my life," Lew said honestly. He hesitated, not wanting to weigh Dick down with his bullshit, but at the same time wanting to show that he trusted Dick with how he truly felt. "The way you hear men talk about this," no he wasn't going to talk the coward's way out. "The way my father talked about men like us, or," he had to find the right way to put it. "Any time a man wasn't a man, it meant he must like this, you know? If you were a failure, or weak, or stupid, or lazy, or afraid, that meant you were a fairy too. I knew it wasn't true, because you said you like it, and you're," Lew swallowed, "you're the best man I've ever known, and I love you, but I was still afraid that..."

"That it would diminish you," Dick said.

"Yeah." Lew had to swallow again, and his voice was too thick. "Or that I'd mess it up and disappoint you."

"Oh, Lew," Dick said, but he didn't try to comfort Lew or tell him he was wrong. He just lay with him, his head heavy on Lew's chest, and breathed.

"It didn't," Lew said finally. "I liked it. I don't care."

"I'm glad," Dick told him. He snuggled close to Lew, and toyed with a few strands of Lew's chest hair for a few moments before saying, "I didn't mean to say that about pretending the others were you," he admitted. "I don't want you to think I'm proud of that. It wasn't right to have done it. They deserved better."

Lew figured if those other guys had had half the time he'd just had, they'd come out ahead, but he knew that wasn't what Dick meant. He had no idea what to say about the whole concept, anyway. The idea that Dick had it so bad for Lew that he'd spent years pretending his lovers were someone else, even though he thought it was wrong, was too big to get his head around. Lew didn't know if anything he could do would live up to how much Dick felt for him. He still hadn't worked out what to do in the face of that, so he'd been trying his best to love Dick back and not fuck up too badly. He kissed Dick's hair and squeezed his shoulder, wanting him to know that he understood and that he cared. "So is there a way to do that where I could move more?" he asked, wanting to draw Dick away from his regrets.

"Oh yeah," Dick said, and laughed softly. "We have three more days, right?"

"That reminds me," Lew said. He closed his hand over Dick's, pressing them both to his heart. "Remember what you were doing three years ago today?"

Dick laughed again, his whole body shaking. "Didn't think you'd noticed," he said fondly. "It was my first day of OCS at Fort Benning. Met some handsome rich jerk who seemed like he was going to be a lot of trouble."

Lew snorted. "And was he?"

"Yeah, he was. Worth it though."

That was, Lew decided, the nicest thing anyone had ever said about him. "Here's to another three years then," he said.

"Another thirty," Dick answered impulsively.

"Sure," Lew said. "That's a deal."


End file.
